Well its the summer and there's little news of substance surrounding the Senators that isn't quickly digested in 10 seconds on TSN. It is summer after all so we decided to combine two of our favourite things, beer and hockey. This blog idea was actually a suggestion from my girlfriend (yes skeptical readers it is true) and I thought it was a great idea to go through the entire NHL and identify teams with beers who share similar characteristics for one reason or another. Although it is my name that appears on this post it was actually a combined effort between Graeme and myself. Hope you enjoy it, this actually took a long time to do. And seriously, you gotta try Waterloo Dark.

Montreal Canadiens are Red Stripe:
They’re short, overpriced and don’t speak French either.

Ottawa Senators are Pabst Blue Ribbon:
Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s just the worst. Both are a hit amongst college aged kids who have grown up with it and it's guaranteed someone at a party is going to have a problem with it. Both have terrible nicknames (PBR and SENS).

Buffalo Sabres are Molson Canadian:
Both have their markets based in Canada.

Boston Bruins are Old Milwaukee:
Not appealing to anyone with taste or education and both are also known in social circles as 'girl repellent'.

New Jersey Devils are Labatt 50:
You never really consider them a favourite but they still get the job done at the end of the night. It’s also surprising when you find out others like it. Both logos once looked like 1970’s train wrecks but have gotten much better over time.

New York Rangers are Dos Equis:
Pompous, over rated and over priced, more concerned with marketing and sales than performance.

New York Islanders are Steelback:
Both had promise in the beginning but were undone by poor managerial decisions (Frank D’Angelo and Mike Milbury) and have been trying to make people forget how bad they are ever since.

Philadelphia Flyers are Miller High Life:
Both are worshipped by people who like cold hot dogs and bouncing cheques. Both have ironic names since the only thing Philly has flown in the past 25+ years is the coop in the playoffs and High Life is as low as you can possibly go without being a Bruins fan in Ottawa. (It is also important to note that a large quantity of High Life is required in order to think that Pronger is going to win you a cup)

Pittsburgh Penguins are Bud Light Lime:
Currently a trendy pick after a successful recent makeover, expensive, classified as a premium beer and will probably be a hit again for another year or two before someone else rips off their recipe.

Atlanta Thrashers are Lucky Lager:
Don’t complain to us - you got what you paid for.

Washington Capitals are Zlatorog:
Both feature a goat (one in goal and one on the label), are extremely popular in eastern Europe, can leave a bitter taste in your mouth and Don Cherry wouldn’t be caught dead enjoying either.

Tampa Bay Lightning are Bud Light:
Both are known better for marketing gimmicks and giveaways than actual product. Hulk Hogan will gladly pimp either for a place to sleep that night.

Carolina Hurricanes are Wildcat Extra Strong:
No one cares about either but both somehow always manage to put a serious kink in your night when you happen upon them. Let it be known these are both applauded by people who enjoy motor sports and towing their home from national park to national park.

Florida Panthers are a Coors Light Shanty:
Both are favoured by older Canadians and are always around for a long summer.

Chicago Blackhawks are Rickard's White (or any other wit/wheat beer you like):
Trendy, will surely lose its appeal over time, the only people who like it are traditionalist snobs and people who got on the bandwagon late.

Columbus Blue Jackets are Corona:
Both of their fan bases are seasonal only support them four months a year. Both can be seen on beaches and golf courses in early spring.

Detroit Red Wings are Fruli:
Both are soft, appeal to women, are very European and no one in Detroit can afford to enjoy either.

Nashville Predators are Schlitz:
Both have miraculously managed to have content that is worse than their packaging.

St. Louis Blues are Waterloo Dark:
Both underrated and about to be recognized as great products as long as keep doing what they’re doing.

Calgary Flames are Rolling Rock:
Both are good for a party, getting women to flash and are symbolized by gingers with gross moustaches. (We were unable to confirm whether or not Rolling Rock was run by two moron brothers who get WAY too much credit for their work.)

Colorado Avalanche are Labatt Ice (or any ice beer):
Neither have been relevant since the 1990’s and it’s tough to find anyone who cares about either today. Both have names that sound like soft serve desserts or inappropriate sexual manoeuvres.

Edmonton Oilers are Black Label:
No one wants to be associated with either. (We looked really hard for a Siberian brewery but couldn’t find one, sorry)

Minnesota Wild are Dave Nichol’s PC beer:
Both have only one name you’d recognize, both are very conservative and safe bets and both are extremely thrifty and for some reason each have a strong following.

Vancouver Canucks are Moretti:
If it wasn't for the recognizable Italian guy fronting both products, neither would be relevant. Both of these products will help you attract twins.

Anaheim Ducks are Moosehead:
Neither could have come up with more stupid names had they tried.

Dallas Stars are Kronenbourg 1664:
Both are surprisingly popular products in non-traditional market places. Both have the most unimaginative nicknames possible (1664 and Stars) and Sean Avery is also too fancy for either.

Los Angeles Kings are Mill Street Tankhouse:
Both are excellent products that have just started to get acclaim, LA’s fans have the same ‘cheap spray on tan’ colour as Tankhouse and neither are popular in California.

Phoenix Coyotes are Beck’s Non-Alcoholic Beer:
No one has paid for either in years, no honest man would be seen supporting them, they’re both always on sale and both are things Jim    Balsillie probably enjoys.

San Jose Sharks are MGD:
Both are decent American products but neither ever seem to make it into the premium and elite market they each desire.

Comments (38)

David 'the dream' Brown said:

	... Detroir? manoeuvres? Here we go again...
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August 07, 2009
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Tim6thSens said:

	... Manoeuvres is one of two accepted spellings actually. Thanks for the heads up Dean-o.
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August 07, 2009
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PEIsenators said:

	... Well done except for the part when you taint my beer of choice by associating it with the leafs. Maybe a better choice would be the beer choice of douchebags everywhere, whatever that is. Oh, and yes, Waterloo Dark is awesome.
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August 07, 2009
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Nichols said:

	... I can empathize with you PEIsenators.
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August 07, 2009
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Canucnik said:

	... When boys were boys and men were men, football players drank Labatt's "50" and hockey players drank Molson "X" no one would get caught dead drinking some of those "girlie" beers. PS: Some neat thinking going on there by you both; it was always thought that a man's brew reflected his personality, social group, and hockey team!
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August 07, 2009
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Canucnik said:

... Or should that have been "Some neat drinking going on there by you both"...Beer drinking is serious stuff...guys and gals of my generation (the "Boomers") spent half their lives in the tavern and enjoyed every minute of it.! Before you were allowed to have your tee shirt all plastered up with pictures of guys and rock groups, it was socially acceptable to have a modest crest of your favourite ale on your shirt.

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August 07, 2009
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Master Of Puppets said:

... Back when the Ottawa pubs closed at 1am and Hull was open 'til 3am, us squareheads would head across the river. "Je veux un cinquante, s'il vous plait" was about all the french we could cobble together. It got'r done though. I'm disgusted to see my favourite, Guiness, associated with the Fkn Leafs, should have been Labatt Blue, cuz it Fkn blows, IMHO. Great job overall guys. More enjoyable read, than yesterdays 'flamethrower' ...

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August 07, 2009
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Canucnik said:

	... Master of Puppets: Right on! Been there. In the late sixties, Syracuse; Watertown;Messina in some taverns and rockin' bars (Harry Young and the Noblemen) all you could get was Pabst Blue Ribbon, so you had a tendency to associate it with "Good Times". Northern New Yorkers know Canucks (they gave us that name) very well and could not get over how much beer we could drink in one sitting.
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August 07, 2009
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J said:

	... Guiness is also terrible. Nitrogen should not be used to carbonate beers.
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August 07, 2009
Votes: -1

People Who Like Guiness said:

	... J: What do you carbonate your beers with? Your mother's lips and a straw?
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August 07, 2009
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Never Mind said:

	... JimB likes his Creemore cold.
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August 07, 2009
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Never Mind said:

	... JimB likes his Creemore cold.
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August 07, 2009
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Bleys said:

	... I guess only making fun of the team's name is as close to a compliment the Ducks can get from a Sens fan.
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August 07, 2009
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Brother Rat said:

	... heh, very neat with the Isles and Steelback. while us LIers may not be very familiar with the beer itself, I'd much rather the team gets linked to a craft brew over a stinky major: both have lighthouse logos, both have limited brand distribution, and focus on their roots. could have been much, much worse!
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August 07, 2009
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teri said:

	... Hey- no fair making fun of Moosehead!! Brewed in New Brunswick but the name of the team in Halifax- go figure. I guess it sounded better than the Halifax Keiths......
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August 07, 2009
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Nichols said:

	... Bley: If I had my way, I would have compared the Ducks to Colt 45 -- only two products that Snoop Dogg could enjoy.
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August 07, 2009
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Njerseyguy said:

	... Hilarious and very well done but one things --the Devils logo has always been sweet.
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August 07, 2009
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Windy City Hockey said:

	... Blackhawks = Unibroue's "Maudite." Strong, Red, and freakin' Expensive
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August 07, 2009
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herobreakfast said:

	... I LOLed @ hulk hogan endorsing for a place to sleep! They're should not be hockey in floriduh!
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August 07, 2009
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AmyB said:

	... Amazing. Who gets to be Natty Light?
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August 07, 2009
Votes: +1

Baker said:

	... I love the Sabres and Molson. Excellent list!
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August 07, 2009
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MPL said:

	... This was really funny. Great work.
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August 07, 2009
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Cornelius Hardenbergh said:

	... At least the Bruins have fans since before the early nineties.
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August 07, 2009
Votes: +1

JSBrown303 said:

	... Schlitz? I figured the Preds would have been Pabst Blue Ribbon! I mean, isn't that supposed to be the redneck beer? Anyways, GO PREDS!!!
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August 07, 2009 | url
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AvsFan123984 said:

	... "Neither have been relevant since the 1990’s..." Someone forget about that pesky championship run in 2001?
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August 07, 2009
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Dave The Rave said:

	... The Hawks could NEVER be Rickard's White...LA MAUDITE is IT. Like SecondCityHockey said...red, strong--a few'll knock you on yer keester--and expensive. Hm. Like some women I know. ;-)
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August 08, 2009
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I don't have a name said:

	I'm confused... In what way do the Red Wings appeal to women? It certainly isn't because of their looks!
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August 08, 2009
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Nichols said:

	... In what way do the Red Wings appeal to women? It certainly isn't because of their looks! Because they're employed in Detroit?
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August 08, 2009
Votes: -2

joooooon said:

	what Been a pens fan since my first game when i was like 4. even through the dark ages. i am ashamed someone would compare a sin of a beer with the pens
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August 08, 2009
Votes: -4

Evil Flyers Gorilla said:

	1664 Kronenbourg's actual nickname is "numbers". Thanks. Go Flyers.
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August 09, 2009
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Lupin The 3rd said:

	... I love the Devils choice, since despite the out of date, Rangers fan made up opinion that we have mediocre fan support, you will find a Devils fan anywhere in the United States, we are everywhere! Great stuff, great read.
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August 09, 2009
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Avs9437 said:

... Ok...we all know the Avs are at the bottom of the barrel right now but how can you say they haven't been relevant since the 1990s? They won a cup in 2001 didn't they? And they were winning the NW division every year through 2004. They were consistently one of the most "relevant" teams in the Western conference until the lockout. I know that fans of other teams are having so much fun pointing snickering at how bad the Avs are now, but at least give them proper credit for their past success.

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August 09, 2009
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gorm said:

	... Chicago Blackhawks are Rickard's White (or any other wit/wheat beer you like): Trendy, will surely lose its appeal over time, the only people who like it are traditionalist snobs and people who got on the bandwagon late. shouldnt this be the pens to
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August 10, 2009
Votes: +3

Apu said:

	... The Hamilton Balsillies would be Skittlebrau. Sounds sweet, but doesn't exist.
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August 10, 2009
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DRW FTW said:

	... The Red Wings are Heineken because they are always a top choice and it only takes one of either to completely shutdown Crosby.
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August 10, 2009
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yankee said:

	... Too bad you're limited by the LCBO and Beer Store...otherwise, you'd have a better, and more affordable, selection. (Sort of sounds like Edmonton?)
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August 14, 2009
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Burgundy said:

	Amazing Wow, great post. How much beer research did you do? Loved the Avalanche, Leafs, Sens and Lightning lines.
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August 17, 2009 | url
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bob mckenzie said:

	moosehead ? a stupid name? Moose head isn't a stupid name, brewed in New Brunswick. where all they have are kamikaze moose flying onto the highway trying to kill you
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January 10, 2010
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