Plus Ones


Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

There’s a song by the band Okkervil River that has some context for Senators fans. Plus Ones makes reference to a number of popular songs that have numerical titles by adding one to them. The playfully, tongue-in-cheek message is simple — An added instance doesn’t change anything if the inherent message is the same.

It’s a lesson that fans of the Ottawa Senators could afford to learn because if you haven’t noticed, some Sens fans are becoming increasingly masochistic with each goal that Dany Heatley scores.

“Five goals and five assists!!! Holy shit! He leads the League in scoring!!!” (Commence banging head off of desk…now.)

Sure, it sucks that the guys — Michalek & Cheechoo — who’ve come back in return haven’t produced yet. But get over it already. The man (if you want to refer to Heatley as a man) is gone. So quit torturing yourselves by keeping daily tabs on his point totals. Instead take pleasure in the fact that you probably skate better than Cheechoo and have the same number of goals that they do.

Ah well, at least these Sens fans aren’t as twisted as some guy from Pennsylvania who Google’d “friends boner” and found this site. (I bet it was Crosby.)