Sens Chirp = Closet Masshole

By missing the playoffs for the first time in 12 seasons, the Nation’s Capital is no longer immune to a systemic disease that has plagued fairweather fan bases for ages – the phenomena known as bandwagon jumping. Bandwagon jumpers are the worst kinds of people because they’re compulsive and need something new or fresh to keep their otherwise mundane lives meaningful. They’re the same kinds of people who proclaim that they’re avid readers when the only books they buy are the ones that Oprah recommends. Or, they can be that friend who talks up every job opportunity they get, only to quit one month later.

Unfortunately, this bandwagon jumping has affected not only some Sens fans but some Hockey Country fixtures. Just this morning, I awoke to find that our colleague Sens Chirp is looking for a team to cheer for throughout the Spring. According to his site:

I have been doing some thinking about who I will throw my support behind for the playoffs this year with the Sens on the outside looking in and right now I’m leaning towards the Boston Bruins. Tim Thomas seems like a nice guy, Peter Chiarelli has strong connections to Ottawa and has done a great job in Boston. And lastly Zdeno Chara was and always will be one of my favourite Senators and I would love to see him win the cup in Boston.

Boston? What the fuck? Not only are you throwing support behind a divisional fucking rival, you’re throwing support behind the first place seed and favorite to come out of the Eastern Conference. Don’t feed us bullshit about how Tim Thomas is an adorable fat guy who you can sympathize with because of his mask. And don’t feed us bullshit on how Chiarelli and Chara have Ottawa connections. Like the Sens organization was pissed when they saw Chiarelli leave and backdoor Chara into Boston, we should be pissed that Chara was snaked out of town.

If you were rejected by a girl that you’ve had your eye on all year, would you cheer on a colleague who’s knowlingly trying to pick up that same girl? No. It shouldn’t matter that your colleague’s a nice guy who, in your opinion, deserves to get his dick wet. He’s trying to land the object of your affection and for that, you shouldn’t applaud him while he’s telling you stories about how he sexed her up.

Save the bigamy for the Mormons and for fans of HBO’s Big Love. If you’re going to root for something during the playoffs, root against the Habs. Don’t cheer for a winning organization because you need to feel better about yourself. That’s what a loser would do.

UPDATE @ 11:30AM:

Sens Chirp has alerted me via email that Don Brennan penned a piece this morning trying to convince Sens fans to cheer for the Bruins. So there you go: Reason #121,104 not to cheer for the Bruins. Don Brennan is a Bruins fan.

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