Everyone by now knows who Don Brennan is. He was that guy on conference call with Dany Heatley who made a joke, similar to one your drunk uncle would make at a wedding. Everyone laughs, not because it’s funny, but because its pathetic and no one really knows what to say in response. You humour the old guy and move on rolling your eyes hoping you don’t have to talk to him again that night. Don’s joke was hardly clever. Although it was exactly what I expected from the Sun.
Like weddings, another popular activity this summer has been trash talking Dany Heatley. When it comes to trash talk, Don Brennan has elevated himself to the position of Pope of Shit Talk. He’s been performing marriages of Dany’s name and the gutter all off-season from his comfortable perch, behind a computer and behind a telephone. Let’s take a look at some of the things Don has had to say about Dany in print since his trade request.
“Of course, Heatley will never play another game for Ottawa. Not only would the team would be crazy to stick his cancerous attitude in its dressing room again, but Heatley doesn’t have the spine to pull on a Senators jersey again.” Ottawa Sun, June 17th
“The sky might be the limit, depending on what Murray includes in a trade that includes his big bonus crybaby.”Ottawa Sun, June 17th
“First of all, the spoiled, selfish suck-hole would hate it there.” Ottawa Sun June 11th
“Like a child, Heatley seemingly doesn’t understand the word commitment.” Ottawa Sun, June 12th
“If so, Barry and McAlpine have made dealing the Dany The Dog that much tougher.” Ottawa Sun June 18th
“To the contrary, as hot as the whiny winger has been against the Maple Leafs (37 games, 27 goals, 23 assists) over his career, Burke said yesterday he wouldn’t touch him with a 10-foot pole.” Ottawa Sun, June 18th
“It took more than a dozen weeks for the spoiled, snivelling suck hole to grant the media minions he looks at down his nose and the faithful fans who pay his salary a full 15 minutes of his precious summer Friday.” Ottawa Sun August 22nd
So he’s called him a dog, a child, a bay with a tendency to cry, selfish and a suck hole. You get the picture. This isn’t new though. Maybe you remember the short lived war of words between Don and George Laraques. George called Don stupid. Don said say it to my face. George did. Don listened. Most of the internet links to this story are long gone. There’s a lead-up to the story found here on yahoo. And here’s one from Bleacher Report about the whole incident. So as you can see. Don has done this before.
Today Don stepped it up a notch with this column. A big notch. We’ll examine his trash talk here with some of the more quotable lines.
“The reluctant Senator proved he also worthy of an ‘A’ for Arrogant and ‘P’ for Pompous with all the whining he did on a conference call late last week.”
This is a solid slam. Three big time accusations and character assaults. Pompous, arrogant and whiny. He loses points for reusing the whiny thing again. Don, there’s so many words out there. Why this one twice?
“Dany Heatley doesn’t need that ‘A’ on his sweater. He has one permanently tattooed on his chest, right above the spot that those with a backbone have a heart.”
Don goes back to his old friend anatomy for this diss. I’m no expert by any means, but could someone please tell me if there is any connection between the backbone and the heart. Thanks. This is also a subliminal diss as he states Dany has the letter ‘A’ tattooed on him. That’s a shitty tattoo if it did exist. Again, loss of points for returning to the spine punchline. Maybe his editor wouldn’t let him use the word ‘balls’.
“What a contradicting suck hole.”
Suck hole eh? That’s the third time I’ve heard this word from Don. Now I don’t know exactly what this means. On the surface it appears as though Don thinks Dany is some sort of hole that sucks or is intended to be sucked. Looking slightly, although not much, deeper it could be a grade four student’s idea of a good taunt. It sounds nasty. It has elements of words/terms/slang that are offensive. Why not combine them and hope for a round of applause from the public as the subject is left humiliated? This is a bad word. Not in the sense that it is offensive or would ascribe negative attributes to someone but in the sense that it is not effective and makes one look like they have no game when it comes to trash talk. You’re better than that Don.
“Either tell him to shut the hell up and show up to play, or ignore him all together. Heatley is under contract. Who gives a rat’s ass that (sic) he says?”
Ouch. Not to be a nitpicker, but man, apparently Don gives a rat’s ass “that” he says. Isn’t this why you wrote this article? To complain about the conference call and how you got served by a dude with a chick’s name live on national radio when you got cut off? So to answer this question. Don – you give a shit what he says. Didn’t you say you’d be on him all season about the coach and ice time? Why don’t you just tell him to “shut the hell up” yourself?
Blah blah blah. Don continues to spit everything he’s got at Heatley and his camp of advisers. Fast forward to the part where he talks about violence. Maybe we should quickly revisit Don’s stance on violence for the benefit of our readers. Don sparked the Laraques incident through an article that suggested intentionally injuring Sidney Crosby. Recently Don had this to say in Off The Posts…
“Sitting here watching last night’s sports highlights and I’m reminded of how I just don’t get baseball fights.
Oh, I completely understand why Kevin Youkilis charged Rick Porcello. The kid has a good fastball and he planted it right in the middle of Youk’s back. But how does Youkilis get away with throwing his helmet at the pitcher? And why does everyone have to jump in?
They should be left to settle their differences, like men. Like hockey players” Off The Posts August 12
After reading this Don clearly believes that:
a) Fighting is acceptable.
b) Fighting makes you a man.
c) Hockey players are men because they fight.
d) When you have a problem with someone, you should fight, like a man, like a hockey player would.
e) Saying things like this do not make you look like a
Don boldly finishes off his article with this gem.
“And if he is a negative force in the dressing room, if he doesn’t give it everything he has on the ice, in practice and games, Chris Neil will take care of him.
Are you kidding? Heatley, who skates away from pretty much any and every conflict on the ice, would wilt under the menacing glare of The Neiler.
If not, give No. 25 a couple of minutes alone with No. 15.”
I don’t even know if I can muster the words I have in my heart to explain how disgusted I am with what he’s said here. I’m gonna pass on this one and leave it with just one suggestion.
Maybe Don shouldn’t be hiding behind Chris Neil, the telephone and the computer monitor and put his money where his mouth is and just fight Dany Heatley now and get it over with before the public is subjected to anymore name calling and calls for violence from Don’s articles.