When Bloggers Break Down

Its as slow as shit through a funnel these days folks. Let’s face it. No news is bad news for people who write blogs. (Un?)Fortunatley there has been an increase in Senators blogs popping up around the net. I was checking out a few blogs I had never seen before and I came across this article and remembered thinking that the author must have access to some dynamite pills. This author wrote in a very simplistic way. Like how a child just learning to write would recount their summer vacation in the most compact, practical and boring sentences possible that makes them sound totally inept. It was one of the worst entries I’ve ever seen. I had completely forgotten about it until I stumbled across a follow up to the article I had read. I guess I wasn’t the only one who had a problem with this guy and his ridiculously misinformed and poorly communicated thoughts on the Senators. So I’ve decided to go through his article point by point. If you’re really into literary mutilation and the systematic destruction of coherent thought then you should check out the original blog written by an author at mvn.com, Colin Jeffrey (see author picture above), to see what he said. Then you can follow me along for the ride through lobotomy land where I will review Colin Jeffrey response to his critics.

Click here to see the article to which I am now responding. My comments will be in bold and Jeffrey’s (the English language holocaust) will appear in italics, that is of course, unless they burn out your eyes while reading. Lets begin or as Colin Jeffrey would say “wdhwededejhdejhbde mmmmmmmmmmedededed”

I received a wide variety of responses yesterday to my ‘when PR moves go bad’ blog. All view points were covered by commentors…some agreed with me, some disagreed and others love Chris Neil.

See I had a quick look back at those comments and most view points were covered although I feel that there was a huge shortage of  ‘Your writing makes me want to throw myself into needles filled with asbestos’ and ‘What did the English language ever do to you to deserve such revenge?’ and ‘You understand the Senators and the game of hockey as well as a Mormon understands the difference between Peruvian and Bolivian cocaine.’ Now I’m all for the expansion of the blogosphere,but if you re just going to be using your keyboard to serve as a liaison between your asshole and your blog, then you re open to criticism.

Also, ‘commentors’ is not a word. I believe you were looking for ‘commenters’. Commentors sounds like some sort of cheesy message board designation for paleontologists.

Rob from Ottawa wrote (Renegades fan? Man I miss CFL in Ottawa) that he has the ‘411’ on Senator ticket sales and that they are down compared to last year…way down. This could be due to the fact we are still technically in a recession or it could be we weren’t very good last season and all the press to this point in the summer has been negative. Rob also agreeded with me that Bryan Murray isn’t a leader.

Dear Colin Jeffrey, Nowhere does it suggest that Rob is a CFL fan. That is a horrible thing to accuse someone of without having proof. Just discusting and shameful. Glad you felt the need to put 411 in quotation marks too Jeffrey. Now is this you using the quotations marks to suggest irony or is this a direct quote from someone you know? See the only irony of this is that you fucked up using quotation marks. Now Colin, please tell me and the Bank of Canada how the economy is ‘technically’ in a recession (Note my quotations to show irony). What little juicy bit of information did you acquire to prove that we are still in a recession?Tell us more. Also, I want to know how all the press this summer has been negative. Lets go through some good news this summer:

1. The Senators signed Alexei Kovalev. That’s not chump change news, I think that’s pretty damn good actually.
2. The Senators drafting Jared Cowen. Many have said this could be the steal of the draft.
3. Brendan Bell will not be back. Seriously, all summer I’ve been worried sick that Bell might be in the same dressing room as Kovalev. Gross. Just the idea of him on the team gives me the chills. Barf. Good riddance.
4. The Senators were able to trade Alex Auld without having to buy him out. I realize that’s a bit of a stretch as far as what typical hockey fans consider good news, but Ottawa fans aren’t typical hockey fans.
5. The Ottawa media did not crash Jason Spezza’s wedding and judging from the many photographs that appeared on the Citizen website, it appears as though telephoto lenses and good judgement were the order of the day.

I almost forgot. ‘Agreeded’ is not a word. People who think ‘agreeded’ is a word do not get to share opinions. Maybe you and Rob can ‘agreeded’ on the terms for who is good at ‘leaderering’ and then shareded them all with us in a future blog.

‘Anonymous’ from his parents basement writes that my ‘article’ did not contain a single semblance of original thought. I disagree and point to the fact that to the best of my knowledge I’m the only Sens blogger who has ‘outted’ the fact that Murray and Co. just moved out problem players and now bring in Kovalev, who had to be sent home last season with the Habs. Also I am the only Sens blogger who has drawn the contract comparison between Kovalev and former Senator Havlat, who both will make $5 million a season. And finally, I think I am the only Sens blogger who disliked the drafting of D Jared Cowan and wanted the Sens to draft a forward. Oh and one other for hits and giggles…I’m the only Sens blogger who has suggested we trade either Volchekov or Phillips now since we won’t be able to sign both. Yawn.

ZING! That’s right folks, Colin went there. He totally burned anonymous with the living in mother’s basement line. The most original joke going on twenty years straight. Maybe for his next trick Colin can tell us what happened to the chicken when it ‘crosseded’the road. I’ll say what your 12th grade English teacher never had the chance say, congrats Colin on being significantly less than mediocre. Also I hate the fact you always refer to the Senators management as ‘Murray and Co.’ Seriously, it sounds like a cottage country mail order business located on the eastern seaboard. Onto other business. You take pride in being the ‘only Sens blogger who….’  and mention it several times.

Lets start with how you’re the only Sens blogger who outted Murray for bringing in Kovalev and question his character. First of all, what exactly did you ‘out’ from this whole story. You simply stated facts. Yes Murray has moved some players with alleged problems off the ice and he did bring in Kovalev, who as you stated, was sent home last season with the Habs to clear his head. Fact of the matter is that the Senators brought in an elite veteran player to round out his top 6 players and provide an insurance plan if Heatley isn’t around this year at camp. My father is friends with an ex-NHLer who spent a year with the Senators who said Kovalev is one of three NHL players he would pay to see play. To me, that says everything you need to know about the skill level Kovalev brings to the ice. Even Alfie sung the highest of praise for Kovalev and put him in his top 2 players to watch in the NHL. Now to say Kovalev is a problem player takes a lot of guts. Have a look at this and tell me why some of the harshest fans on earth don’t deem him to be problematic.

You say you’re the only blogger to draw comparisons between Havlat and Kovalev who will both make 5 million a season. Great. They do. Successful. I guess stating the obvious gets you some points but not nearly enough for me to understand what you’re really getting at. Yes they are both dynamic offensive players with a history of taking nights off for one reason or another (injury or just indifference). The problem is that Havlat’s terms are humongous compared to Kovalev. Yes that does have to do with age, but Havlat is nearly untradeable now because of his contract and if for some reason Kovalev doesn’t work out this year, his contract could be picked up by another team at the deadline without much fuss. I bet that Kovalev puts up better numbers this year with the Senators than Havlat does with the Wild. But again, good on you for noticing they both make the same amount of money. That’s like, doctorate worthy shit right there dude.

Last but not least, you were the only Sens blogger who disliked the drafting of Jared Cowan. Well to be fair, I don’t know who this Jared Cowan is. I do however like that Jared Cowen kid we took in the first round. Oh wait. I see. You just don’t know how to spell! My apologies. Maybe you should refine your google search with the proper spelling so you can see what a steal we got at #9 when just last year the kid was considered top 3 material. But you don’t really have a problem with him per say, your problem lies within the fact we selected a defenseman and not a forward. Ah gotcha. So you don’t buy into the whole theory of drafting the best player available and instead prefer drafting for need. Maybe if the Senators were a perfectly oiled machine and just needed a specific part that would be okay. But they are not a perfectly oiled machine. They need a complete overhaul and have started by drafting the best people available. What’s that expression about the best laid plans hmm? Listen, plans change, needs change and time changes. Just ask Tupac. You have to able to make quick decisions that put the overall strength of the organization ahead of all else. Sure we have a nice collection of young defensemen in the pipe and maybe one day we’ll have the luxury of being able to flip a prospect or two to fill a need on forward. The fact remains that taking the best player is essential. Getting a stud like Cowen at 9 is huge for Ottawa and is a far better selection than any forward that was available at the time. Did you see what forwards were left? No surprise there. Any GM in the NHL would have done the same thing in our shoes.

So you also think you’re the only one who thinks we should trade either Phillips or Volchenkov because of their impending UFA status? Well sir. Phillips is UFA in 2011 and is protected by a movement clause. Volchenkov is a UFA at the end of this year. Between those two years the following players/salaries will also be up for grabs. Here is a quick list of our UFA’s and RFA’s over the next 2 years.



That’s a shitload of people, and dollars coming off the books my friend. Presumably by then a few prospects should be on the team, carrying with them considerably smaller cap friendly entry level salaries than some of the players coming off the books. There’s no reason to think the Senators won’t be talking extension with either of Phillips of Volchenkov as they will have increased payroll flexibility over the next two FA seasons.

The only ‘yawn’ should be heard from your readers mouths as they go through your blog looking for any sort of new and relevant material.

My final response is to ‘Chris Neil Fan’ who wrote that they would rather have an overpaided Chris Neil than someone who doesn’t want to be in Ottawa (Micheal Ignatieff?). ‘Chris Neil Fan’ points out Neil had to be the Sens enforcer last season, had a major injury and played his heart out. He is liked by both his teammates and fans. I agree with everything ‘Chris Neil Fan’ has to say except the part about Neil having to fight and overpaying him.

WOW! AGAIN? “OVERPAIDED!” This is unreal. Dude, it’s just overpaid. It’s already past tense. It doesn’t need to be super past tense. You can now take the title of ‘Only Sens blogger who can’t decipher past tense’.

How can anyone say they would rather have an overpaid Chris Neil than someone who doesn’t want to be here? If Murray took Ovechkin hostage and forced him to play against his will for the Senators, I wouldn’t be heartbroken about it. I prefer the school of thought that says, you cheer for the crest on the front, not the name on the back. I don’t think overpaying Chris Neil does anyone any favours and the fact that people validate his paycheque with the fact he wants to be in Ottawa is a joke. It makes me want to poo on my front steps so I have to look at it every day and remind myself that Chris Neil will be in the starting lineup for the next 4 years.

Chris is 30 years old and has played 7 NHL seasons as Ottawa’s enforcer…yes he is and has been Ottawa’s enforcer since 2001-02, it wasn’t a new gig last season. His 4-year, $8 million dollar deal will put the Sens on the hook with Neil until he is 34. I can’t see into the future very well, but it’s not raining today and all I see is that Chris Neil will barely be an NHL-quality forward by the time he is 34. At best right now he is a 3rd liner and on this team he is a 4th liner. In four years do you really believe he will still be worthy of a top-12 forward spot? But it won’t matter what we think because Neil will be getting $2 million dollars a season until he is 34 unless the new CBA agreement makes all dumb contracts signed null and void.

Whoa whoa whoa. You’ve totally lost me here. You can see into the future? What does it hold? Are you flipping burgers and trying to find the extra ‘E’ and ‘D’ letters to place on the sign in front of a McDonalds to complete your spelling ‘grilleded’? Dude, it is raining today. It’s raining insanity and delusions and you are soaked. I want to live in your world, where Chris Neil is a 3rd line player. C’mon. The guy should probably be fighting 18 year-olds in a semi pro league in Texas right now. He’s not even worthy of a top 12 forward spot RIGHT NOW let alone in 4 years.  As for him being the teams enforcer since 2001, remember McGratton? Yeah he was around for a while too. Maybe the new CBA agreement you speak of will make all dumb blog posts null and void too.

Again, I hate to say it, but anyone who wears glowstick necklaces and has a vested interest in who the Bachelorette chose on the season finale deserves to be heckled.

Look I respect Chris Neil as a hockey player and a person. He is a player who, literally, has fought his way to a multi-year and multi-million dollar contract. But I just don’t see how he can be making double what Colton Orr makes for the next four seasons.

Finally. Something we agree on.

Thanks again for all the comments. I try to respond to them in a timely fashion as you took the time to read and comment yourself.

Shut it down.