The Power of Paul MacLean’s Mustache


The Senators have changed the face of their franchise by formally announcing that the former Detroit Red Wings assistant coach Paul MacLean will fill the team’s head coach vacancy. Like Samson before him, MacLean received a special provision in that so as long as he doesn’t cut his hair, he shall be granted supernatural power. Each strand of his moustache transmits great influence and acts as a conduit from his body. Although it does not give him the strength to slay 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass, it remarkably improves his ability to coach hockey players.

As Tim and I discussed, if only previous Senators head coaches wielded this godly power…

If Rick Bowness wielded the power of MacLean’s mustache, he wouldn’t have lacked the common sense to return Alexandre Daigle to junior. And at the very least, it would have given Bowness’ face some depth.

Here’s a question: how does one go from racking up over 400 PIMs in a season as junior enforcer during the 1970’s to coaching an AHL team in PEI and be known by the nickname Sparky without sporting a mustache? It does not make sense. Had Allison properly embraced a MacLean’esque duster, he would have been assured of at least one more win – thereby exponentially improving his career NHL winning percentage from its current .100%.


Jacques Martin came to Ottawa with a spaghetti strainer but his greatest accomplishment was winning the organization’s only Jack Adams Trophy. For a guy who talked down Spezza and referred to him being a boy in a man’s league, he should have set a better example by showcasing a manly duster.


Had Bryan Murray sported MacLean’s patented ‘stache, there’s no way Lindy Ruff would have had the stones to run his mouth from the safe confines of Buffalo’s bench. Murray would have gone through Rob Ray to get at Ruff instead.

Roger Neilson was the one Senators coach who did not need a mustache to enhance his status.

If John Paddock had a well trimmed mustache that you could set your watch to do in and day out, it would have set a great example for players like Ray Emery to learn from.

Poor Craig Hartsburg. He wasn’t long enough here to grow one.

From the guy who thought fatigue green and mauve worked well together, it’s amazing Cory Clouston didn’t grow a moustache to complete his 1979 Sears catalogue look.